Daniel Tosh Makes Me Want To Hire The Burger King To Use an Air Horn and Scare The Sh*t Out Of Someone

If you folks aren't watching Tosh.O on Comedy Central, you should be. Comedian Daniel Tosh is seriously funny. His show (something like Talk Soup - and just as snarky) is on Comedy Central on Thursday nights at 10pm. Check it out at: http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/

I have posted some fairly serious things on this site, over the past few days.
Allow me to get stupid for 30 seconds and tell you how badly I want to do this to someone...anyone.


Now, this clip was not shown on Tosh's show. It is only a commercial. Either way, I don't need the actual Burger King to be the guy with the airhorn. But, since we are going there...why not go for broke?

Who's with me?

Of course, they got this idea from Japanese shows that did the same thing...only way more hardcore. This clip is a bit slow. Just let it load. Trust me.

In case you can't see the first few clips, that is a cannon being fired over someone sleeping. The next clip is a group of men shooting bazookas over someone's bed. The third one is a "mob-hit".

Good shit.

It's either this, or, I hide in my fridge and punch a guy who opens the door. By the way, this clip was shown on Tosh's show.



Either way, someone is going to shit their pants....and this time, it won't be me after a breakfast of stale coffee and bran muffins.

I love the show and I think you will, too. Check out the site and enjoy some funny.

http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/

Michael Jackson - A Capella*

I just wanted to offer a few last posts about Michael Jackson. I chose these two videos (actually sound files) to illustrate the power of his voice. These are just vocal tracks that feature Jackson (around ten years old) with no musical accompaniment.

The power and control he had over his own voice at such an early age is truly amazing. The emotion is so pure, too. It's amazing to think that a pre-teen child could have so much feeling for this material.

My friend James offered these thoughts:

"The amazing thing is that these are the original vocal tracks that he did on the first take. He has perfect pitch…perfect tonality…amazing. You can't sing like this at his age without having an off the chart I.Q."

Check out this version of "Got To Be There".
His voice literally soars.



In this version of "Never Can Say Goodbye", you can hear the raw emotion behind every note. Remember, this is a young boy somewhere in the neighborhood of ten years old.



After listening to these files, I was thoroughly convinced that we may never see/hear another entertainer like him...ever.

*Some musical dictionaries indicate the Italian a cappella is preferred over the Latin a capella (one "p") yet both are technically correct.

http://www.singers.com/a-cappella.html

Pearl Jam Announces Fall Tour and The Release of "Backspacer"

Pearl Jam announced that "Backspacer" will be released on September 20th. Along with their new album, the band will embarking on a brief tour of the United States, starting with August 8 – Calgary, AB at Virgin Fest and ending with two shows at the Philadelphia Spectrum on October 28th and October 30th.

The album’s first single “The Fixer” will hit radio on July 20th. As Rock Daily previously reported, Target stores will have the exclusive mass retail rights to the album, with Pearl Jam’s own Ten Club and independent record stores also stocking their shelves with "Backspacer" on September 20th.*

For those of you who like fun facts, “Backspacer” was also the name of the sea turtle that Pearl Jam sponsored in the Great Turtle Race back in April.

*http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/07/09/pearl-jam-announce-tour-dates-backspacer-out-september-20th/

Madonna - Michael Jackson Tribute (London O2 Arena - Sticky & Sweet Tour - July 4, 2009)


Madonna pays tribute to Michael Jackson on the opening night of her tour in London.

I actually think this is a pretty class move.

Jay-Z - D.O.A. (Death Of Auto-Tune)

Thank you for saying what I have been thinking.

The Valley Swim Club Boots Kids Who Might "Change the Complexion" - Part 2

I arrived at the Valley Swim Club (22 Tomlinson Road - Huntingdon Vly, PA 19006 (215) 947-0700) around 11:00am. When I got there, CNN, NBC-10 and ABC-6 were already there. In fact, Channel 10 had a helicopter circling overhead. A patrol-car was parked across the street to make sure nothing got out-of-hand.

Even though 93.3 WMMR announced the protest, there were only four people protesting. I attribute this to a lack of lead-time, it was a work-day, and the fact that Tomlinson Road was closed leaving people to hopelessly scramble to find the club - their GPS systems throwing fits.

The sign in front of the club announces "Swimming since 1954". Apparently, their racial attitudes haven't changed much in the last fifty-five years, either. Now, I won't say that every member of this club shared the same attitude as the management or some of its members. But, the response they chose - and the words they used - showed poor judgment.



(Jim Flynn with Spencer Lewis & Abijah Immanuel)

A member of the club, Jim Flynn, pulled up to the padlocked gates of the club and walked over to us. He said he wanted to make a statement. So, the press readied their microphones and cameras. A five year member of the club, Flynn said he was present the day the children were asked to leave (June 29th). He said he voiced his concern to because, "...the pool was too crowded, not because the children were black." He went on to say that if anyone made comments about the children being black, "...shame on them". Flynn said that he would be asking for the resignation of the club's president.

With his voice shaking, Flynn talked about how he had to stop his daughter from making signs that said she hated the news. He talked about how he explained that this kind of hate makes us as bad as the people who would ask children to leave their club because of the color of their skin. Flynn also pointed out that the club accepted money from a number of daycares because it was experiencing financial difficulty. It would seem that all of the daycares were given their money back and asked not to return.

While he spoke, the few of us that were there concluded that this issue could have been easily settled if the statement made by the club wasn't so blatantly racist. Let's not forget, after days to think about it, the best the club could do was comment on how the children "change the complexion" and "atmosphere" of the club.

To read it still makes my cheeks hot with shame.

Flynn pointed out that the only thing many members asked for was that the club change the time when the groups attended. He just felt that the pools were overcrowded and that bringing other groups in during peak-time would be better for the members and the daycares themselves. But, that was not how Valley Swim Club handled the issue - and, their statement didn't read as rationally, either.

When asked, Flynn said there was "One black member that I know of..." at Valley Swim Club. There were some people that walked by and commented that the club has a reputation for being unfriendly to Jewish and African-American families. Even Flynn admitted that after his interview went public, he might be asked to leave the club.

I felt for Jim Flynn. He was the only person willing to speak to reporters. No one from the club was available for comment and, as of this morning, no one from the club issued any additional statement to the press. Flynn continued, "I really do believe (Valley Swim Club) owes all of the daycares (who paid to attend) an apology."

As of this moment, Valley Swim Club's website is down. You can not leave any message on their voice-mail, either. But, there is a general board meeting there this Sunday.

Once again, the club's info is:

Valley Swim Club
22 Tomlinson Road - Huntingdon Vly, PA 19006
(215) 947-0700

It was not hard to understand why the club was closed. On Philly.com there were threats of violence. To those people, remember...children and families go to this club and not all of them (as Jim Flynn demonstrated) share the same point-of-view as the rotten few. Violence is not an answer.

Let's hold up our heads, be reasonable, and handle this with diplomacy.
We are better than this.

Senator Arlen Specter (D) is looking into the matter. You can reach him through his website - http://specter.senate.gov/public/

His office number in Philadelphia is (215) 597-7200

Stay tuned to the news this evening.
I think this story is gaining some steam.

As I wrote this, Grace dropped me a note saying, "Young Philly Politics has set a protest to begin at 5:30." You can see that on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/l/;Politics.com

Let's get the word out.

Pool Boots Kids Who Might "Change the Complexion"

Some ugly news out of the Philadelphia area, again.

It seems that a group of African-American children were asked to leave a private swim club for fear that they "change the complexion" and "atmosphere" of the club.

Change the complexion?

Who came up with that one?
And, is that the best they could do when pressed for a statement?

Talk about a bad choice of words.

"Creative Steps Day Camp paid The Valley Swim Club more than $1900 for one day of swimming a week, but after the first day, the money was quickly refunded and the campers were told not to return."*

I could go on and on about how racism is not dead, it's only sleeping. But, I won't.

Why?

Because, we all know that.

But, this is truly ugly.

I often see commercials for Philadelphia on television, in the evening (In fact, one of those commercials runs before the news story, posted above). It's a voice-over (I guess the disembodied voice of the city itself) beckoning people to come stay at one of the hotels...make a weekend of it, etc.

The first thing that crosses my mind is, "RUN! DON'T COME HERE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! STAY OUT IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN! ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE!"

An overstatement, you say?

I think not. Now, I know this did not happen in the city limits. But, it doesn't matter. This could have happened anywhere. But, it happened here.

Besides, the city itself is sick with criminal behavior. Now, you can add this shameful incident to the list of "Shit I Can't Believe Still Happens in 2009".

Its gets better..

The swim club president John Duesler issued this statement: "There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club."

So the good people at Girard College, a private Philadelphia boarding school for children who live in low-income and single parent homes, stepped in and offered their pool.*

"We had to help," said Girard College director of Admissions Tamara Leclair. "Every child deserves an incredible summer camp experience."

Good for you, Tamara.

If you think about it, no one was obligated to help these kids. Summer camps tend to be overcrowded and short-staffed. As it stands, Girard College serves 500 campers of its own. However, they were able to offer their pool because it is vacant on the day Creative Steps had originally planned to swim at Valley Swim Club.

A big round of applause goes to the owners of Gumdrops & Sprinkles. They were so moved by this story, they treated the kids to a free day of candy and ice cream making.

Very cool.

There are still a few logistical nuisances -- like insurance -- the organizations have to work out, but it seems the campers will not stay dry for long.*

The banning has caused so much controversy that U.S. Senator Arlen Specter (D-Pa.) plans to launch an investigation into the discrimination claim.

"The allegations against the swim club as they are reported are extremely disturbing," Specter said in a statement. "I am reaching out to the parties involved to ascertain the facts. Racial discrimination has no place in America today."

Agreed.

If anyone is interested, there is a protest planned today at 10 am.
Hopefully, showing your face will embarrass the members of this club and the people who made such a shameful decision.

Protest "No Coloreds Allowed" policy, Valley Swim Club, 10am today.
Here is a link if you need directions - http://bit.ly/1a6Adt

* http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Campers-Complexion-No-Problem-for-New-Pool.html

Michael Jackson Memorial Service - July 7, 2009

This story is going to be in the news, for the rest of the summer. The legal wars, the custody battles, the toxicology reports...the personal stories.

Some if will be sweet.
Much of it will be exploitative.

It's a pity.

Anyway, I think this is how I'd like to remember him.

U2 - Opening Night of the 360 Tour In Barcelona

Here, the band takes part in the global tribute to Michael Jackson by dedicating "Angel Of Harlem" to his memory.

The quality isn't bad. But, the photographer's seats weren't so hot.

This next clip is a bit better.

I think "The Unforgettable Fire" is one of their better songs. Check it out....they sound amazing.



In the meantime, doesn't it seem like the whole "No cameras or recording devices" warning has just gone out the window in the age of cellphones and tiny cameras?

I can't tell you how many times I've had film taken away from me.

So, I think what I am saying is:

Dear Sting,

Please convince the usher at the Tower Theater to give my fucking film back. I was taking pictures of your show, along with every other person in attendance, and the miserable fucking usher at the end of my aisle chose me...and took my film.

Yours in Jesus,
The Fixer

Want a longer look? Here's about ten minutes of the opening night festivities for your viewing pleasure. There are some funny interviews, at the end. Some of these people are so.....wow.

If you listen closely, over the end credits, you can hear what might be a snippet of a song from their forthcoming album, "Songs Of Ascent".

That album is due before the end of 2009.

The Virgin Suicides

I do my share of video posting.
But, I am not ashamed.

Sometimes, words can't describe the images you really want people to see. I say this because I finally saw The Virgin Suicides, last night.

I know...I am about ten years late. But, I've been busy.

It's far from the best movie I have ever seen. So, I won't sit here and shower the movie with unnecessary superlatives. I don't love everything I see (I am looking at you Peter Travers).

However, it is Sofia Coppola's directing debut. For a first-timer, she really announced herself as a director to watch. She would later follow with "Lost In Translation", of course.

If you have never seen this film, I urge you to check it out. There is something about the movie that really sinks into your bones. It might be Coppola's uncanny hold on the subject matter. She deftly captures the hopelessness of five girls, the Lisbon sisters, who struggle to become women while being mercilessly oppressed by a controlling mother and a hen-pecked father. All the while, she funnels her view of the girls through the eyes of the teenage boys around the sisters. In the imagination of the young men, the girls appear in meadows amidst cloudscapes. They are like creatures of legend and fantasy.

If you know young men, we really do see girls like this. Let's face it...we're putty, at that age.

With a keen eye, Coppola also demonstrates a real flair for creating vivid imagery. Everything about the film looks gauzy and soft - as if it is being remembered, not seen in real time. The girls peer out of their bedroom windows in their nightgowns like ghosts trapped in a well. All the while, the boys watch them from across the street, quietly fascinated - filled with questions. In one scene, the boys actually read the same travel magazines as the girls and imagine a time when both groups will escape together and live happily as globetrotting teenagers.

Additionally, Coppola's adaptation of Jeffrey Eugenides' novel leaves just enough space in the dialogue for the despair to bleed through every breath these girls take. Watching the film, you can't help but get the sense of suffocation these girls feel, trapped in their seventies-era, suburban prison. The paneled basement might as well have bars on it. Every exchange with their parents and the world around them is strained and awkward. Eventually, the death of the Lisbon sisters is likened to the demise of the trees that line their street. They are beautiful and difficult to forget. But, it becomes clear that they are dead inside.

At times, it feels like you aren't really watching them live, you are just waiting for them to die. For this reason, their lives feel more urgent.

The Lisbon sisters are objects of desire, mystery and danger - eventually becoming the embodiment of regret. The boys begin communicating with them over the phone by playing carefully chosen songs (a great sample of seventies era soft-rock). It is one of the more tender moments, in the film. Eventually, the boys concentrate less on seducing the girls and more on trying to save them. For this reason, the suicide of the Lisbon sisters unfolds tragically. It is the steely door that slams in the face of four young men who try desperately to rescue them. This makes the climax of the film that much more shattering and inexplicable.

The greatest strength of Coppola's film is that she paints the struggle of the young men just as vividly as the tragedy of the Lisbon sisters. The real tragedy here is how painful being a teenager can be for even the most vibrant among us. Its something that the boys are powerless to see as teens, and struggle to reconcile as men. The movie demonstrates, with certainty, that men struggle to put aside their teenage longings because they are often too painful for us to remember. The truth is that we are much weaker than we care to admit in the face of the first woman we loved.

The most remarkable thing about this film is that it engages you emotionally even though you are told the ending within the first few minutes. This is a real tribute to the power of the source material. Eugenides' novel is a lazy daydream whose narrator is a collective pronoun (voiced in the film by Giovanni Ribisi) and its main characters take their own lives for reasons that are never fully explained. Because of this, Sofia Coppola creates a movie that succeeds on the strength of sustained moods, associations and images that are unforgettable.

The movie is a sleeper.

THE VIRGIN SUICIDES

Written and directed by Sofia Coppola.

WITH: James Woods (Mr. Lisbon), Kathleen Turner (Mrs. Lisbon), Kirsten Dunst (Lux Lisbon), Hanna Hall (Cecilia Lisbon), Chelse Swain (Bonnie Lisbon), A. J. Cook (Mary Lisbon), Leslie Hayman (Therese Lisbon), Danny DeVito (Dr. Horniker), Josh Hartnett (Trip Fontaine) and Giovanni Ribisi (the Narrator).

(I chose to include this scene because I think everyone can relate to being this young and this crazy in love with someone. I look at Josh Hartnett's face after Kirsten Dunst kisses him...and, I can relate. Great use of "Crazy On You", too.)

Wilco - Wilco (The Album)

There is a darkness that hovers over the songs on Wilco's seventh studio album. Beneath the earnest simplicity, the band seems ready to face the mirror. The title of the album tips its hand to the confessional nature of the proceedings.

One of the things that a band like Wilco learned is that you can't even please all of your fans all of the time. There were people who moaned about the experimental nature of "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" and "A Ghost Is Born". There were fans who pined for the alt-country of "Being There". Then, you have the fans who think "Sky Blue Sky" was too straight-forward. So, for "Wilco (The Album)", Jeff Tweedy and company decided to produce the album themselves, with the help of engineer Jim Scott. Borrowing heavily from their own sonic palette, the songs came together very quickly after Wilco returned from Auckland, New Zealand where they participated in the Oxfam International benefit project.

"Wilco (The Song)" opens the album with a clatter as Tweedy whispers, "Do you dabble in depression? Is someone twisting a knife in your back? Wilco will love you, baby." For the next forty-two minutes, Wilco showers their people with the love by wearing their influences on their sleeves. The album has the feel of a band channeling their new music through their own record collection. You can hear Big Star, George Harrison, Motown and Talking Heads lovingly sprinkled throughout the beautiful hum of songs like "You Never Know" and "Sunny Feeling".

But, don't be fooled. All of this clarity feels like the moments when the hangover wears off, at times. "Bull Black Nova" is littered with images of violence and blood. "It's in my hair/It's on my clothes," sings Tweedy with all the dread of a man who wakes up in a hotel room next to a body. Finally, he realizes, "This can't be undone".

Feist shows up long enough to add sexual tension to the mix as her voice tangles with Tweedy's for the lovely "You and I". On "One Wing" Tweedy moans, "One wing will never ever fly, dear. Neither yours nor mine. I feel, we can only wave goodbye." Its a sobering realization and a stark reminder of how Tweedy can make heartbreak sound so beautiful. Even the gentle 60's flourish of "Deeper Down" sounds haunted and ominous as studio noise churns and hisses under Tweedy's measured and distressed delivery.

There are those that will tell you that this Wilco album is not as good as some of their earlier efforts. That would be a shame since Tweedy and his partners (the same men as the last album - a first for this band) have crafted a nuanced and haunting album that sounds like the sun going down on a beautiful summer day.

Finally, the album rounds out with "Everlasting Everything". It's a beautiful meditation on mortality and the endurance of love. Tweedy sings, "Everything alive must die. Every building built to the sky, will fall. Don't try to tell me my everlasting love is a lie." The sentiment and the song are breathtaking. But, no matter how beautiful the noise, "Wilco (The Album)" is full of clatter and an unflappable ease. Even when the songs break your heart, Wilco gives you a shoulder to cry on.

After all...Wilco loves you, baby.

Michael Jackson - 1958-2009

I can remember getting up at the crack of dawn to watch The Jackson 5 Cartoon Show, when I was very young. If I didn't see it, the day just didn't start right.

It was like missing breakfast.
You just started the day sour.



I loved their music.
I still love it, actually.

Michael Jackson seemed to embody the kind of wonder that is meant for dreams. Seeing him moonwalk across the stage on the Motown 25 Live special wasn't just a musical happening - it was an awakening. I can't imagine that it was any less important than Elvis Presley gyrating across the screen in black & white. For my generation, it had all the gusto of The Beatles on Ed Sullivan.

It was our moment.

This wasn't just a star appearing for the first time...it was a supernova.
It was like waking up in the morning and seeing a second sun in the sky.

In that moment, he claimed us.
Then, we claimed him.

So, instead of remembering the moment of his death, like so many of us do, I will instead recall one evening when I was in 7th grade.

It was a school night. I stayed up late to watch Motown's 25th Anniversary special. It was late and I was fading. Then, Michael Jackson appeared to perform "Billie Jean".

Watch the video.
I'll wait.



His performance was so breath-taking, you could almost hear the collective gasps of my classmates in the night sky. If we had cellphones, we would have been texting/calling each other. I am sure of it. Instead, we rushed into school the next morning and talked about it before classes started. Then, we broke our ankles for the next few weeks trying to moonwalk.

For the next ten years, Michael Jackson owned pop music. He was the world's biggest star. And, let's face it, he deserved it.

In a previous post on this blog, I tagged "Off The Wall" "as an album you should own"*. It's an amazing album that never disappoints me. It was Jackson's breakthrough as a solo artist and it is the purest expression of his talent. It was the moment when Jackson finally eclipsed the fame he achieved with his brothers. In fact, "She's Out Of My Life" was originally written for Frank Sinatra and he passed on it. Because Quincy Jones was working with Sinatra and Jackson, he decided to bring the song to Jackson. Jackson recorded the song and made it his own. Jones later commented that the emotional weight of Jackson's performance was what made him so special. It takes a special kind of performer to give that kind of reading to a song he didn't even write.

Then, there was "Thriller".

I don't know a single person who didn't own this album.
In fact, I have it in every format.

I bought it on vinyl and cassette.
Later, I grabbed the CD.

It seemed like MTV was created for Michael Jackson. When the network debuted, the videos were boring and one-dimensional.

Then, Michael Jackson appeared.

His videos were events. They were cinematic in their scope and Jackson was like a movie-star. On the strength of those videos, and almost every song on the album being released as a hit single, "Thriller" became the biggest selling album of all-time.

Billie Jean
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
The Girl Is Mine
Beat It
Thriller (it's amazing video)
Human Nature
P.Y.T.

Damn.

In recent years, Jackson's name has been tarnished by allegations of child molestation. Because of this, and the bizarre changes in his appearance, Jackson became the punchline of too many jokes. I have frequently said to the young people I teach, "When I was your age, this was not the Michael Jackson I knew. The stars you follow now (Chris Brown, Usher, etc.) wouldn't have been able to shine Michael Jackson's shoes. He was all of these guys rolled into one...a thousand fold."

In fact, I often say to people, "If I told you in 1982 that Michael Jackson was going to be accused of molesting children, his face was going to be marred by unsuccessful plastic surgery, and he was going to become the bizarre, reclusive punchline of late-night talk-show host's jokes", you wouldn't have believed me.

I can't even believe it and I watched it happen.

I followed his career until he fell out of favor. Then, he seemed to disappear from the public eye.

Ironically, Jackson was planning a comeback and had 50 sold-out shows booked at London's O2 Arena, this summer. This was to be his legacy. One last explosion...and then, back into the ether.

The other day, it dawned on me that Michael Jackson may not have ever been truly happy in his adult life. It seemed his entire life was consumed by his eccentricities and the drive to outdo himself and his past success. Now, his life is a cautionary tale of the dangers of excess and the trappings of stardom. He rose to fame in an age of information. It almost seemed like the paparazzi was invented to follow people like Jackson. Because of this, the public had more access to celebrities like him. As the press chased him, Jackson retreated into the prison fame built for him. This resulted in Jackson becoming the first real casualty of the digital age. Michael Jackson became the first real example of a celebrity losing his basic right to privacy.

Now, sensationalism is more important to people than an artist's achievements. If anyone cared to do it, they could trace this trend back to the paparazzi's hounding of Michael Jackson.

In the days that have passed, my friends and I have all remarked that Jackson's death is like our parents' generation losing Elvis.

Why?

Because, Jackson was the musical icon of our generation.

In the past few years, its been harder and harder to watch Jackson turn into the frail and bizarre looking man he has become. When I would see him on television, I would miss the guy I remember as a kid. In fact, when Jackson passed, I called a childhood friend of mine and we talked about the night was saw Jackson and his brothers on the Victory Tour at J.F.K. Stadium - in the prime of his life.

He was so bad-ass.

I miss that guy.

But, his contributions to the world of entertainment are going to be around for future generations to appreciate. When I am old, I will be able to tell my grandchildren I remember seeing the finest entertainer of my generation.

If Michael Jackson didn't exist, we would have had to invent him.

He was that good.

*http://fortyninepercenter.blogspot.com/2008/11/album-you-should-own-112108.html